Former grunt-and-groan coach may soon be locked in cage match for sending sexy texts to teen

There's a story in today's paper about a former 'rasslin' coach at Boyertown Junior High West who is accused of doing one of those stupid things that horny guys do only if they are monumentally stupid and want to get their picture on the front page of the morning newspaper (and this blog).

Meet Steven S. Oswald, 43, who police said engaged in illicit behavior unworthy of anyone except a congressman:

In some texts, Oswald asked the girl about the color of her clothing, and in one he asked what type of underwear she was wearing.

He also suggested they would smoke marijuana if they were together, and made the comment, 'You know you love me.'

The girl told investigators that during one occasion at the junior high, she was stretching on a floor mat when Oswald told her to close her legs, stating that she 'was not wearing ladylike underwear.'

That, friends, reminded me of this funny joke about underpants. (Well, actually, it didn't; it arrived in my inbox this afternoon courtesy of the Great Siddall, but you don't waste a terrific segue when one drops in your lap.) He calls the joke "Second Opinion," and it's about a gentleman who goes to the doctor complaining of severe headaches:

The doctor said, 'Michael, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.

'You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Michael was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit..'

The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'

Michael laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Michael tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Michael admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Michael thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Michael and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Michael was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years.'

Michael tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Michael walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Michael thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.

Michael laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you!I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

Maybe Coach Oswald was trying to give a health warning to the young lady. Nah, I don't think so.