The future's so bright I got to wear shades

Here's thrilling news for those of you lucky enough to still hold a steady job. Your retirement age has just been pushed back from the ridiculously low 62-65 to 85, and northward. That's because many baby boomers report that they have a retirement fund that couldn't even buy a new SUV, thanks to the market, housing and banking meltdowns choreographed by Barney Frank. On the upside, deferring retirement can help keep taxes low on the ruling class job creators. Of course, when the current fiftysomethings reach their 80s Social Security will be a memory lost in time, much like voting rights for the poor and the Penn State football program. This hassle all might be obviated if Obamacare were repealed, so everyone could just die quicker. Stock tip: Invest in Alpo.