Memorial Day weekend open thread

Soldier on, Garth.

Exeter principal reneges on arranged prank, paving the way for the Class of 2013 to open the Gates of Hell

Oh you Exeter children, whatever are we going to do with you?

First, you start phoning in phoney bomb threats, because you were too jaded to just play hooky. Now, when the fun-loving school administrators allow you to participate in an "arranged prank," you go and spoil that for future senior classes. Go ahead, Principal William Cain said, bring your balloons and toilet paper and soap markers and scribble delightedly on the walls and windows, make a mess; it's a better alternative, Cain reasoned, than a senior camp out in the parking lot which could cause, er, safety concerns.

So what did these seniors go and do? Instead of scrawling "Killroy Was Here" and "We Love Principal Cain," they went and drew "inappropriate pictures, which one can only surmise, depict teachers with erect peckers. Little erect peckers, too, nothing that strays into Milton Berle territory, or else the teachers would just smile and wink.

And just what is an "approved prank" anyway? If it's a prank, it can't be approved. Duh. Sorry Principal Poop, that's an oxymoron, like "student teacher" or "arranged marriage."

Oh, boy, is Exeter in for a real mess next spring! "Arranged pranks" will go the way of cursive writing classes, and toilet paper and naughty soap sketches will turn the schoolyards into the Animal House of eastern Berks.

Or worse.

There are ideas a-plenty. FLASH! Down in Dixie, one senior either didn't know how to sit lady-like, or she knew how to get the best of the administrators by doing the Full Monty in a yearbook photo:

Sadly, while the gal is gaining national exposure to a degree, the telltale photo remains the picture of redaction.

Congratulations, grads!

So true.

Cutting-edge news website seeks community bloggers, but you must type it up on one of these old-fangled contraptions

What is this strange device?

Is it something Johannes Gutenberg invented in the 15 century? Or does it come from an alien land, a CGI prop found in "Men in Black 3"?

Oh, well, whatever. Nevermind.

Please join me in filling out this web form and see if this proud local news organization agrees our blog(s) or idea(s) are terrific and whether they will want to host our blog(s) and make a couple of pennies each time somebody clicks on one of the Google ads that surrounds the content, or whether they will just steal our idea(s) and assign the blog to some intern.

Worth a try.

Tom Corbett talks out his ass, blames Obama for not sending him more stimulus money

Tom Corbett made a grand huzzah at a dinner held by the Greater Reading Chamber of Commerce & Industry, and you knew these industry titans would gobble up every word faster than the rubber chicken.

"You want jobs!"

"FRACKING!"

"You want more teachers!"

"Pay $900 a year more in taxes, suckers."

The budget crisis, like everything else, is all President Obama's fault.

The governor said so:

We received money from Washington. It was called stimulus money. That money was put into the budget. It was put into education. The money disappeared. The federal government said it was one-time money, and for the first time when they said it was one-time money they meant it.

After happily bullshitting the audience of 700, Corbett avoided the crowd outside the Sovereign Performing Arts Center protesting cuts in education funding by using a rear entrance, and then galloping straight to a private reception to meet with the people who really matter.

Cory Booker may chair important crime powwow demanded by morning newspaper

It must have happened too late to make deadline, but there is nothing in today's Reading Eagle about the decisions that are being made behind the scenes about who will serve on, and who will lead, the conference on crime that the newspaper determined will end crime in Reading, forever, once local big shots sit down in a big room and jawbone about it.

Strangely, there's not even a mention in today's article about how the mayor and council are getting into lock step to start the ball rolling on this mission from God Harry Deitz. How many more innocent people must die while city officials sit on their hands? Or was reporter Don Spatz asleep at his notebook?

Sources, however, say there was heavy movement behind the scenes. The name on everyone's lips to head the committee is Newark Mayor Cory Booker.

"Cory would bring a measure of true bipartisanship to this endeavor," said one insider with his finger on the pulse of city government. "Right now, the Democrats hate him, and after Cory continues to retreat from his reckless remarks about the Bain attack ads, the Republicans will despise him just as fully."

One of the mayor's allies said Vaughn Spencer completely endorses the choice.

"I think it was the shaved head that did it," the source said.

 Full steam ahead!

Criminals declare moratorium on crime in Reading while awaiting the report of a blue-ribbon panel that will seal their demise

Unless you were occupied watching the solar eclipse on Sunday, you could not miss the biggest story to shoot down to Pottsville Pike since a lady fell in the fountain at the Berkshire Mall when sending a text message.

The Reading Eagle, once again leading the way as a community innovator, unveiled a bullet-proof plan to eliminate the crime wave that has been rotting at the heart of our city for years upon years.

This plan, simple on the surface, involves nothing more than a panel of community leaders sitting around in a big room discussing the crime problem and what needs to be done. Once they have finished chewing this over in their considerable cuds, with everyone in agreement 100% on a course of action, the meeting will adjourn, the plan put into action, and crime will go away, forever, poof.

It is remarkable that no one had thought of this strategy before. You can just imagine please Chief Bill Heim slapping his forehead and going "Damn!"

Even today, the Reading Eagle editorial board, consisting of middle-aged white boys who don't live in Reading, is rounding up the usual suspects to serve as conscripts on the committee: the mayor and his top cop; a union rep counterbalanced by someone from the Chamber of Commerce; a couple of ministers, Protestant; Albert Boscov, because he always has a seat on these things; Jynx Pagerly; the ghost of Mike O'Pake, who will leave after the obligatory photo-op; commissioners Christian Leinbach and Mark Scott, looking all glum and sour while admitting that this problem extends beyond the city borders; "educators" from the Reading school district; one or two Hispanic leaders, wearing hip boots; Kate Gosselin, because she has eight kids, but they won't allow her in; and Judy Schwank, Tom Caltagirone and what ever other state officials are in full politicking mode. Having the whole shebang televised live on BCTV will be the cherry atop the sundae.

The meeting will commence with testimony from Cotton Street individuals, who will kvetch about Mexicans and Dominicans tossing their Colt .45 empties on porch stoops before stabbing one another. After nodding up and down like bobbleheads and ignoring everything the residents have to say, the blue-ribbon pros will begin stoking their own great ideas.

Chief Heim will say he needs more cops on the streets. Once the laughter subsides, Judy Schwank will say she'll talk to the governor, but that he hates her.  (Collective 'Ahhhhh!") The "educators" will say they need better teachers, and Tom Caltagirone will empty his pockets and shrug, to show that nothing is there. ("No more taxes!" someone will shout.)

Some fellow packing heat will suggest that community crime watches get set up pronto and citizens arm themselves to the teeth and stalk anyone who looks suspicious wandering around their neighborhoods.

The audience will shimmer with glee.

But who am I to judge what will work and what will not? That is why we have this committee of experts. Once they make up their minds on what to do, it will happen, and crime will dry up, and the Pagoda will smile down on all of us.