Fountain lady was in the movies

Yeah, baby, yeah.

(Hats off to Mimi for the tip.)

5 reasons why the fountain lady video is a sham

1. The geography. Cathy Cruz Marrero worked at Zale's Jewelers in the Berkshire Mall. She knew the layout. She was aware there was a fountain near the Piercing Pagoda and Radio Shack. It wasn't as if she were distracted while texting and didn't see rubber cones set up to warn of a wet floor or other unexpected obstacles. Yet she walks out of a store headlong at a fountain she knew was 10 or 15 feet away.

2. The laws of physics. If you bumble into a low-hanging obstacle and bang your knee, you may be startled. You may drop your cell phone. You probably will reach out to brace yourself. You probably won't tumble over the barrier.... unless you're raising one leg unnaturally high as you hit the wall.

3. The missing cell phone. Fountain lady's story is that her cell phone got soaked, but she was able to get it working again by using dry ice to absorb the water.  Then she claims the phone was stolen later that week while she was working at the mall, and one of her pet peeves is that mall security would not let her view surveillance tapes to see who walked out with the device. But that makes little sense. A thief would stash the phone in a pocket or purse. Cruz Marrero's account of the missing phoneserves two purposes:  She may not have been using a working cell phone when taking the tumble (why risk ruining a perfectly good phone?); by not having the phone handy during interviews, a reporter could not press her to see the actual text message that was so important.

4. The opportunity for collusion. Fountain lady worked at the mall and easily might know the security team. Her attorney said a setup is not logical because his client would not know the video would get posted on YouTube. But if someone else were in on the plan the pieces would be in place. Of course, nobody knows what clips ultimately go viral, but the snickering and mocking by the security team added to its hilarity and pass-along appeal.

5. The timing. Fountain lady knew she had a court date last Thursday involving credit-card fraud. Being able to make restitution might go a long way toward a favorable disposition of those charges. Still, if Cruz Marrero was part of a charade, it's hard to conclude precisely what she hoped to accomplish. If she were a dizty 17-year-old, not a 49-year-old accused felon, she might have become a media darling, however briefly, and received some appearance fees. Maybe she had visions of "Dancing With the Stars" dancing in her head. But she didn't play the victim card right. She came across as a whiner, implying the mall might be negligent for constructing a fountain in her path (what if it had been drained and she got more than a little boo-boo on her leg?) and chastising the guards for failing to race to her assistance. Still, shopping malls abhor bad publicity and a simple settlement of $5,000 or so might have lightened her legal troubles.

This is all speculation, of course, but the preponderance of evidence suggests fountain lady's tale of woe relies too much on improbabilities and coincidence and sounds all wet to me.

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