Al Walentis

This whole Mitt iPhone mess would not have happened if Steve Jobs were around to exert quality control

2012-05-30T12:18:22Z

The Twitters are abuzz * this morning, mocking the Mitt Romney brain trust for submitting an iPhone app that allows users to customize campaign poster with an image of their choice and the slogan "A Better Amercia."

Their is much revelry to be had.

Hurry, kiddies, download your *FREE* app today, before the Kenyans running Cupertino stop guffawing long to yank off the "With Mitt" boner and replace it with an update.

* From the Twitters (#Amercia):

This wouldn't happen if Mitt Romney outsourced his iPhone app to a company outside the US. Oh wait, maybe he did.

Romney app didn't misspell America... He was sending code indicating who really runs AmerCIA.

Mitt Romney didn't misspell "America." He expects us to beg for "merci" very soon.

Mitt Romney misspelled America on his new app, which is no big deal until he invades Iraq when he meant Iran.

If you're applying for a job, and you misspell the name of the company you want to work for, you won't get that job.

Some poor app designer is getting strapped in a cage on the top of a car and driven across country tonight.

Stupid Romney campaign misspells America in stupid iPhone app

2012-05-30T11:37:26Z

Oh, my, "Amercia" will surely go to the dogs if Mitt is elected, because his campaign cannot even spell correctly the name of the country their candidate wishes to lead.

The Mitt campaign thought it had the first and last laugh because it did not allow iPhone users to customize the text in its lame app, the way John McCain did when he did a "Joe the Plumbe"r web interactive that foolishly allowed people to plug in nonsense like "I'm Patty the Abortionist and I Support John McCain."

This whole app is one giant abortion, and I will not update it until after November 6.

How the Obama camp plans to beat Romney like a gong

2012-05-29T12:50:59Z

John Heilemann in New York magazine:

Romney really, actually thinks that if you just take care of the folks at the top, it’ll trickle down to everybody else,” says another Obama operative. “But no one believes that stuff—no one! And once you puncture that, there’s nothing left. He’s not likable. He’s not trustworthy. He’s not on your side. You live in Pittsburgh and you’ve got dirt under your fingernails, who do you want to have a beer with? It ain’t fucking Mitt Romney. You’re like, ‘Shit, I’d rather have a beer with the black guy than him!’ ”

Shit, I'd rather have a (FILL IN YOUR OWN DISGUSTING DRINK HERE) with the black guy than him.

(The whole article is essential reading.)

Great moments in clip art

2012-05-29T12:41:22Z

When might this foody shot come in handy?

Memorial Day weekend open thread

2012-05-26T04:01:41Z

Soldier on, Garth.

Exeter principal reneges on arranged prank, paving the way for the Class of 2013 to open the Gates of Hell

2012-05-25T21:22:39Z

Oh you Exeter children, whatever are we going to do with you?

First, you start phoning in phoney bomb threats, because you were too jaded to just play hooky. Now, when the fun-loving school administrators allow you to participate in an "arranged prank," you go and spoil that for future senior classes. Go ahead, Principal William Cain said, bring your balloons and toilet paper and soap markers and scribble delightedly on the walls and windows, make a mess; it's a better alternative, Cain reasoned, than a senior camp out in the parking lot which could cause, er, safety concerns.

So what did these seniors go and do? Instead of scrawling "Killroy Was Here" and "We Love Principal Cain," they went and drew "inappropriate pictures, which one can only surmise, depict teachers with erect peckers. Little erect peckers, too, nothing that strays into Milton Berle territory, or else the teachers would just smile and wink.

And just what is an "approved prank" anyway? If it's a prank, it can't be approved. Duh. Sorry Principal Poop, that's an oxymoron, like "student teacher" or "arranged marriage."

Oh, boy, is Exeter in for a real mess next spring! "Arranged pranks" will go the way of cursive writing classes, and toilet paper and naughty soap sketches will turn the schoolyards into the Animal House of eastern Berks.

Or worse.

There are ideas a-plenty. FLASH! Down in Dixie, one senior either didn't know how to sit lady-like, or she knew how to get the best of the administrators by doing the Full Monty in a yearbook photo:

Sadly, while the gal is gaining national exposure to a degree, the telltale photo remains the picture of redaction.

Congratulations, grads!

2012-05-25T11:25:45Z

So true.

Web detective conclusively proves that Obama did not orchestrate the hit on Osama because he was busy chasing tail with Tiger Woods

2012-05-24T13:31:19Z

Leave it to the American Spectator to clear up one of the most mystifying puzzles of this millennium: How on God's gtreen earth could Barack Obama mastermind the death of Osama bin Laden when we all know the two were in cahoots together to destroy America.

Answer: He did not.

Proof: This startling series of images from inside the Situation room that demonstrates that the entire photo op was just one giant Photoshop opportunity for the White House to pull the wool over America's eyes.

A fifth-grader with a laptop coukd do better! Oversized suit coat! Transparent ears! Goofy reflections in the glass! Floating hand!

Who are you going to believe? The Kenyan Muslim? Or your lying eyes?

So where was the hoodwinker-in-chief when this phoney whole baloney-mission was going down?

Counterfeiting a fake birth certificate?

No, he was out on the golf course, constructing an alibi for when the mission, which was not real anyway, went horribly wrong because the SEALs hate him.

Know who else hangs out on the golf course? Tiger Woods. Put two and two together.

Cutting-edge news website seeks community bloggers, but you must type it up on one of these old-fangled contraptions

2012-05-23T17:59:57Z

What is this strange device?

Is it something Johannes Gutenberg invented in the 15 century? Or does it come from an alien land, a CGI prop found in "Men in Black 3"?

Oh, well, whatever. Nevermind.

Please join me in filling out this web form and see if this proud local news organization agrees our blog(s) or idea(s) are terrific and whether they will want to host our blog(s) and make a couple of pennies each time somebody clicks on one of the Google ads that surrounds the content, or whether they will just steal our idea(s) and assign the blog to some intern.

Worth a try.

Tom Corbett talks out his ass, blames Obama for not sending him more stimulus money

2012-05-22T13:46:34Z

Tom Corbett made a grand huzzah at a dinner held by the Greater Reading Chamber of Commerce & Industry, and you knew these industry titans would gobble up every word faster than the rubber chicken.

"You want jobs!"

"FRACKING!"

"You want more teachers!"

"Pay $900 a year more in taxes, suckers."

The budget crisis, like everything else, is all President Obama's fault.

The governor said so:

We received money from Washington. It was called stimulus money. That money was put into the budget. It was put into education. The money disappeared. The federal government said it was one-time money, and for the first time when they said it was one-time money they meant it.

After happily bullshitting the audience of 700, Corbett avoided the crowd outside the Sovereign Performing Arts Center protesting cuts in education funding by using a rear entrance, and then galloping straight to a private reception to meet with the people who really matter.