Whatever it is, the happy feller measures 7 1/2 inches from the top of its legs to the brim of the cute Reading Eagle cap it's sporting, bill upturned. That makes it the perfect size for dad to use giving hours of pleasure to his wife, girlfriend, mistress or any combination therein. (Raincoat not included.)
Or maybe pop could play fetch with Fido. One of the headlines does read "Taking care of pets." (The other says "Local schools score on tests," which must mean it's fake.) Smiley the news phallus, which is what we'll call him for now, is available exclusively through the Reading Eagle Promotions & Marketing Department and before you ask, yes, it was made in China.
Perhaps dad might choose to sock it away to give his great-grandkids, to prove to them there was a time when news actually was delivered on paper and the Reading Eagle really did exist.