Every wonder what your ideal stage name would be as a rap artist? Wonder no more. Enter your name in the Wu Tang Clan automatic rap name generator and find out in a (heart)beat.
Your friendly neighborhood blogger has been rechristened, if that isn the correct verb, Pesty Artist. And in case you are wondering, which you should not be, Donald Trump is President Agent Orange.
After clicking song lyrics generator, I selected summertime song and filled in the text fields. (It's a long list, so a few at the bottom are cut off in this screen grab.)
And here is the result:
Catchy as hell, huh?
Can't wait to get started next on a work of horror fiction.
Remember Mark Kessler, the son-of-a-gun from Schuylkill County who became a rock star in social media two years ago? Kessler was the police chief from the sleepy coal-region community of Gilberton — except when he wasn't anymore after posting a series of YouTube videos that captured him shooting off his mouth in what he termed "salty" language ("liberals take it up the ass"), and his tommy gun, mangling both the English language ("wqe must train our daughters young before the libturd public school system gets to them") and an effigy of Nancy Pelosi represented by a clown target.
He was out-trumping Trump before Donald Trump was even a thing. And then he wasn't.
Kessler went on the radio to tell Alan Colmes that he never really believed any of the batshit-crazy paranoia he was spouting far and wide. He was really an undercover G-man working as a "magnet" to attract the craziest of the crazy to his Facebook pages so the feds could capture "lone wolf" terrorists:
KESSLER: I was sent out for, well I can’t really say exactly who but, I was sent out by agencies to go out and attract and investigate, whatever I can do to find out who’s who and what’s what among these groups. When I say groups, I’m talking about Second Amendment groups, patriot groups, alleged patriot groups, militia groups.
His former fellow Second Amendment patriots went ballistic:
Kessler skulked off into oblivion and said he would write a book.
Might any of this have inspired another great patriot?
Sounds like a terrific plan. Enlist former Democrat and Hillary ally Donald Trump to draw out the craziest of the crazy. Say the stupidest things imaginable — like calling Megyn Kelly a bimbo after he made nice with Roger Ailes — and see what happens next. The stupid wing of the Republican party (and its legions are vast) will nod their heads happily. Then when the race is all over, the Donald will announce, "I never believed a word of that bullshit, suckers. America, you're fired!"
Then he'll write a book.
Or are the Clintons just so goddamn evil that they brainwashed poor (figuratively) Donald Trump — the smartest people are the easiest to hypnotize, and Trump is really, really smart — to carry out their nefarious conspiracy to destroy the Republican party from within?
Nah, Trump got this brainstorm from Kessler.
Se what has Berks County's most famous celebrity DJ been up to lately?
Giving back, giving back to the community, because his heart is as wide as all outdoors:
Unanswered questions: Can this be the springboard to Jon Gosselin joining the Beat 1 team at the new Apple Music? Will inveterate runner Kate be in the fashionista field? Will Jon pump her up before during or after the race? Will the TLC crews be there to chronicle the action, perhaps via a drone's-eye view?
One can only wait and wonder.
From today's morning paper comes this vague item, because the morning paper is nothing if not vague (but surely experts at posting duplicate datelines):
South Heidelberg Township, Pa. S. HEIDELBERG TWP. - The South Heidelberg Township supervisors have agreed to research a possible ordinance to prohibit the flying of drones above private properties without the permission of owners.
Ronald R. Seaman, township manager, said Thursday that a resident had strongly complained about drone overflights.
Whomever might that resident be? Is there anybody living in those parts who might be victim to paparazzi armed with the latest technology?
Erratum: Casa de la Gosselin is within the borders of Lower Heidelberg, so maybe the pap have hit the wrong property.
Whatever has been Jon Gosselin up to these days, besides DJing at a nightspot bereft of paying customers?
Well, the deadbeat dad just opened up to an OK! magazine scribe about a whole host of exciting things, such as his latest lady friend ("she has a really important job and she is really well established and she is older than me"), his new crib (“In like a duplex. It’s like a house that is split"), and his relationship with batshit-crazy ex Kate ("I think she tends to throw me under the bus a little bit").
But the really big news is that Jon may hang up his turntable and beatbox for a new gig as a public servant.
OK!: What office are you thinking about running for?
Gosselin: “Like political office, so I have a meeting but I’m still hesitant on that because I’m more intimidated, even though politics is kind of like entertainment, it’s just a different kind of world.”
OK!: What position are you looking at doing?
Gosselin: “State representative. But I haven’t made a formal announcement yet, but I have to soon. Actually I have to make an official announcement by January of next year because they are two year terms. There’s a lot of stuff I have to put in place.”
It all makes so much sense, considering that Jon's grasp of public affairs is what sets him apart from all the other has-been celebrities scrounging for crumbs on reality teevee.
Sadly, the OK! reporter did not quiz the solon-in-waiting on the specific components of his platform.
A reform of child-support laws?
Perhaps he can form an alliance with Wally Scott and be our next mayor's go-to man in Harrisburg.
Not sure in what district Jon is laying his pillow these days, but Mark Rozzi, Jim Cox, and Mark Gillen should be afraid, be very afraid.
Oh, the sadness, the heartbreak!
Washed-up reality-TV dad Jon Gosselin have been keeping his nose clean out recently, plugging away at some credit card company, trying to scrounge some cash from Kate from her upcoming TV appearance.
Then the boom dropped.
Star has the inside skinny:
In December 2013, the dad of eight found the home of his dreams, conveniently located near ex Kate Gosselin’s property where his children permanently reside. At the time, he agreed to the terms of a rent to own lease agreement for the $299,000 property.
“Jon didn’t understand the terms of the contract and broke the lease, thinking he could just rent the property after agreeing to the rent to own the contractual agreement,” a source tells Star. “Evidently, he didn’t understand the terms of the contract.”
Since June, Jon has failed to come up with payments, and bounced multiple checks. He recently claimed he was still working with his bank to come up with a loan to pay back what he owed the owners, and hoped to continue living in the residence. “He acted like he had all this money,” the insider adds. “The owners tried to work with him, and he’d get cocky and claim he could easily pay for the house in cash.”
"The job at the credit card company he was working for didn't pan out. The anticipated income wasn't there and the situation deteriorated."
"The saddest part of it is he now has nowhere to take the kids. He's not allowed at the house, so he was taking them to his old apartment. But the new one is too small for eight children. It's heartbreaking."
Cannot another credit-card company cut the poor guy some slack? (M&T? Santander?) And is not tattletale author Robert Hoffman paying Jon any royalties for the book Robert wrote based on scandalous docs leaked by Jon?
I smell another lawsuit brewing.
Until then, throw money. And maybe you should cut down on the smokes, Jon.