Jon Gosselin, who can't hold a job, thought he could live in a $290,000 house (guess how that worked out)

Oh, the sadness, the heartbreak!

Washed-up reality-TV dad Jon Gosselin have been keeping his nose clean out recently, plugging away at some credit card company, trying to scrounge some cash from Kate from her upcoming TV appearance.

Then the boom dropped.

Star has the inside skinny:

In December 2013, the dad of eight found the home of his dreams, conveniently located near ex Kate Gosselin’s property where his children permanently reside. At the time, he agreed to the terms of a rent to own lease agreement for the $299,000 property.

“Jon didn’t understand the terms of the contract and broke the lease, thinking he could just rent the property after agreeing to the rent to own the contractual agreement,” a source tells Star. “Evidently, he didn’t understand the terms of the contract.”

Since June, Jon has failed to come up with payments, and bounced multiple checks. He recently claimed he was still working with his bank to come up with a loan to pay back what he owed the owners, and hoped to continue living in the residence. “He acted like he had all this money,” the insider adds. “The owners tried to work with him, and he’d get cocky and claim he could easily pay for the house in cash.”

Added E!:

"The job at the credit card company he was working for didn't pan out. The anticipated income wasn't there and the situation deteriorated."

Jon hasn't (as of now) joined the ranks of funk legend Sly Stone and (the movieland) Richard Gere, but finding a place to park his eight youngsters has proven daunting:

"The saddest part of it is he now has nowhere to take the kids. He's not allowed at the house, so he was taking them to his old apartment. But the new one is too small for eight children. It's heartbreaking."

Heartbreaking indeed.

Cannot another credit-card company cut the poor guy some slack? (M&T? Santander?) And is not tattletale author Robert Hoffman paying Jon any royalties for the book Robert wrote based on scandalous docs leaked by Jon?

I smell another lawsuit brewing.

Until then, throw money. And maybe you should cut down on the smokes, Jon.

Read "The Secret World of Jon and Kate: The Stupidest Story in the History of the Universe and the People Who Covered It" right now on your tablet

Debauchery in Hollywood...everyone is a sex and/or booze addict

From Mark Bailey's raucous “Of All the Gin Joints," out this week:

“H. L. MENCKEN ONCE DECLARED, “I’m ombibulous: I drink every known alcoholic drink and enjoy them all.” A nice sentiment, but John Barrymore put Mencken to shame, such was the breadth of his taste for alcohol. When Barrymore’s second wife broke every bottle in their house, he drank all of her perfume. When he embarked on a 1935 boating trip with their daughter and discovered (once at sea) that the ship had been stripped of booze, he siphoned a pint of the engine’s coolant. Two wives later, he drank a goblet of boric acid intended to soothe his sunburn.”

Mix up one of Alfred Hitchcock's martini recipe — “Five parts gin and a quick glance at a vermouth bottle” — and enjoy.

A headline comes screaming across the sky

You can't say the morning newspaper does not cherish good news. Take a whiff of the headline that screams out from the front page of today's edition:

Wow, that sure is exciting! (People might even be able to buy more newspapers.) But take a look further down the page and read the words, because words, facts, do matter:

Among the highlights, the city's percentage of residents living at or below the poverty level - $23,853 for a family of four - fell from 40.5 percent to 39.6, putting it in seventh place nationally among the 559 cities listed.

Imagine if the city's poverty rate had plunged more than .9 of a percentage point, if Reading were not merely the seventh poorest city in the nation. What if there were 2, 3, even 5 percent less poors.

How gigantic might that headline be?

240 points? 1080 POINTS?? So humongous only one or two characters would fit on each line?

It might be as challenging as the day Kennedy was shot and the paper could not use the word ASSASSINATED because the print shop ran out of S's.

We'll find out next year.